Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
