I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
