I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
