hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
