I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
