Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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