when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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