I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
