someone threw a dead crab at me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
