I'm gonna have a badass scar
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
