I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
