Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
