It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
