I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
