thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
