that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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