i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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