READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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