Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
