I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
