I look better un-naked...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
