I just cut my nipple shaving
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
