I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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