you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
