i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
