it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
