i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
