guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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