so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
