guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
