So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
