i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
