I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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