my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
