he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
