You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
