So drunk its hurt
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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