I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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