I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
