i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
home. puking in laundry basket.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
