Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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