hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
