I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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