Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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