The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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