So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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