We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
