Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
