I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
