And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
