i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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