Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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